Readership of this blog plummets like a rock. ouch. My new focus is probably boring compared to when this was a blog on yoga, mediation, diet and exercise. My apologies. Were it up to me I would have stuck to plain old yoga and not the yoga for Cancer patience type. Unfortunately my original plan got kicked to the curb by my unexpectedly abrupt diagnosis. Now I’m doing my best with plan B.
Plan B is Get Well Soon.
Two days ago I tell my radiation therapist about my recurring bad dreams. She asks if I’ve ever tried yoga. When I admit I have, she suggests meditation. Although she doesn’t mention diet, I am what I eat. Yoga, meditation, diet, all of those can help and actually do help me – I can’t imagine how much worse this all would be if I weren’t self-motivated, self-reflective and self-protective. However apparently my best is not good enough. I don’t believe I am alone in falling short of the mark despite my healthy habits.
There’s a hundred percent chance you will fail at something in life.
Years ago, I start this blog as a vehicle to promote my yoga classes. Check the calendar page if you want to attend one, because yes, I am still teaching. Early on I read other yoga teacher blogs because, well yoga is my interest. I can’t help noticing that the majority of them are inane. Over-populated with phrases like “never looked back” “grateful” and “two beautiful children.” All that gets tiresome by the 3rd blog. My intention is not to offend other reasonable professionals who “never looked back” or have much to be grateful for, in addition to beautiful children. I’m only suggesting that such vocabulary sounds stale.
Grateful? Blessed? Beautiful? overuse has erased their punch.
I knew I would have to work hard to stand out in a field that graduates thousands of new beautiful, grateful teachers daily. I quickly exhaust the topics of where, why and how I teach. A friend of mine suggests, “You write best when you write about yourself, Kumari.” Oh? Well. I write about my losses. I write about my fragility. I write about my former husband’s struggles with addiction. I write about my fails. Failure isn’t pretty. One gift of difficulty is post-traumatic growth.
Failures teach us what doesn’t work so we can do better.
“Creamer” is a non-profit slang for organizations that only help people that they believe can be saved. In this way their success statistics rise. Such organizations appear to be very effective. “Successful” groups receive more grant money to (ostensively) help more people – but that ain’t right to deceive with appearances. Compassion dictates that we take all comers. Limiting the field is a weird tactic for a charitable organization if you know what I mean. It’s not just non-profits that exhibit creaming.
Have you been to a religious institution lately?
I observe that the people who pray and receive “miraculous” intervention are invited to sit in the front row. Winners are encouraged to give praise reports: marriages saved, diseases cured, employment found, housing provided. Losers (those who pray to no avail) are discouraged from public speaking. They sit in the back. Mouths shut. Hearts broken. Those people drop out of churches. My friend, Scott, who died of Cancer was accused of being not “spiritual.”
Disaster is a game changer.
I, for one, think Scott is one of the most spiritual people I ever met. At the end of his life he is surrounded by loving friends who care for him 24/7. His partner never has to wash a dish nor prepare a meal. She has help feeding, bathing, sitting with Scott. People described those last three weeks like entering a church. The constant hushed chanting, the dim lighting, the warm thoughts. He dies a beautiful death. And. Truth be told. We all have to die some time, some how. It’s not a sin.
If Plan A is living as long possible, Plan B might represent living as well as possible. Why not?
Give generously. Smile spontaneously. Love wisely. Read voraciously. Improve continuously. The three “p”s of resilience are perspective, perspective and perspective. Perspective one: look broadly, widely. Don’t narrow your focus down to your self. What ever your adversity is, it’s not all your fault. Not all of it. I may have gotten Cancer because I used to smoke or because I used the microwave, or microwaveable plastic in the microwave – – but those are not the only reasons. My DNA from my parents plays a part. There’s nothing I could have done about that.
Perspective is also temporal.
It’s important to remember that even though right now is challenging, right now isn’t right now any more- it’s that moment after. If you can take care of right now and the moment after, the minutes and the hours, the days and the years will start to take care of themselves. What am I doing right now? Trying to fend off side effects. Aquaphor on my skin. Chamomile and broccoli sprouts in my diet. Rest and relaxation before I hit the wall – – it’s not forever. It’s what I need right now.
Have perspective personally.
Personality is a many faceted thing. My life is not all Cancer and neither is yours. Adversity is overwhelming and yet? Yet I read a book last night and smiled over the main character’s quirks. As my friend so kindly reminded me at the very beginning, “Cancer’s not what you think, we still laugh and do things as a family.” There’s a depth to enjoyment, simple pleasures have been cubed – I feel so happy, so very very happy sometimes despite feeling very tired at others. Ramsey Lewis Trio never sounded so good.
Thank you again to everyone who donates both at GoFundMe and privately. Your support has given me great relief.
Now you all play nice!